gentle productivity

I did it yesterday! I came home and did not lie down. At least not until our Monday night Mad Men date. I wrote a poem, did my NY Ballet workout, graded some projects, and cooked green curry. It was a gentle enough workload that I did not get overwhelmed and dead tired, and then I felt really good when the evening was over. I fell asleep quickly and slept hard.

It wasn't intentional at first: I think I felt a subtle shift while watching some lame professional development videos at school (we have to get a certain about of online "hours" of professional development. It's a hot new technology thing.). The skeptic in me really hates to admit it, but as a newish teacher, I was truly inspired by a couple of clips I watched about classroom management. A lot of it was reinforcing some things I've been wondering about as I get more experience in the classroom--I've found myself more willing to be friendly (I know, what a concept) and extend myself to the kids at the risk of looking lame or corny. In fact--and I also hate to admit this--I think the fear of appearing lame to the kids has really held me back from connecting with them as a supportive coach-type figure. When I first started, I tried really hard to be stern and serious, and I mostly succeeded in making them take me seriously enough that they would turn their work in on time. But it took a super long time to feel a connection to the kids and I didn't have any fun with them at all. And I felt like some constipated version of myself, because I thought loosening up would mean losing control of the class and being that "cool, nice teacher" that everyone walks all over.

Anyway, I feel like now I understand a little better that if I smile and greet the kids as they walk in the room, 99.9% of the time they will smile and greet me back, and it's more pleasant for everyone involved. Also, mine is a class where the students are always discussing and presenting things, so it's important that they feel comfortable talking to me and the rest of the class. The more warm and welcoming I am, the more safe they feel, the more everyone talks and learns, the more they are willing to take risks and make mistakes. Also, the more positive energy I put out, the more beautifully they behave. My (regular) sixth hour has been angels compared to the first two weeks of school. They were so good in the library today! I told them that I was going to have individual AR conferences with them while they were checking out books, taking AR tests, etc., and one kid--the one that got punched by that girl in class the other day, actually--came up to me and said "I need a consultation." He wanted advice on whether to test on a short story and where he might find one. I don't know why, but that got to me. I guess it's because I thought they would dread having a consultation, but instead they relished the individual attention.

I think they are behaving because we're getting used to each other, but I've also made a really concerted effort to be more positive with them and fuss/nag less (but still push them academically without taking any crap behavior). I've found that the regular kids at my school tend to feel insecure and competitive because they feel sometimes that they are out of their league (surrounded by some really advanced kids). So I've been trying to tell them that they can do it and push them to do more than they thought they could and giving them more positive verbal feedback when they get things right (I'm just realizing that I don't do enough of that at all. I used to do barely at all and I don't even think I knew it.). Sometimes I'm just trying to keep them awake and focused, though (like today, when the AC broke).

In honors, they are presenting their "Where I'm From" poems and cultural collages. I got a wild hair to let them use the ELMO to project their poems and collages onto the big screen, and it looked awesome. I really do teach some interesting kids--I've got some whose families are from Bangladesh, Pakistan, Nigeria, Korea, Vietnam, China, Nepal, and Lebanon. I love hearing about their heritage and most of them wrote some great poems. I say to myself every year that I'm going to do a project and present at the end, but I never do. Except that yesterday (here's where I didn't lie down) I got home and cranked out a Where I'm From poem because my kids did such awesome jobs and I was feeling inspired. Also, teacher workshops are always telling you that it's a great idea to share your own stuff, but I've always been too chicken.

Anyway, my culture collage isn't done, but I did scan a bunch of old photos last night and I plan to share those on Thursday. Today, third hour finished their presentations, so I decided to at least read my poem to them. They were dead quiet and I have to say, I was more nervous than when I read my fiction in Portland and Prague! They clapped really loud at the end and they seemed really excited that I had shared something with them. I said to them, "I'm not going to lie, that is a little nerve-wracking." And they laughed because they were all really nervous to present theirs. I told them I have some embarrassing photos to show them Thursday, and they said yay.

I like my job this week.