Scattered Resolutions

Last week was an improvement from the previous post. I decided that I was going to eat really well and go to more dance classes, and I did (chick peas are good on salad). I still haven't been writing or reading anything that would inspire writing, but I feel better.

Sunday I had rehearsal, Monday I had modern and rehearsal, Tuesday I went back to ballet for the first time in many months. It went better than I thought it would--it's just that I didn't drink enough water afterward and woke up in the morning with such an intense charlie horse in one calf that it made me yell. I'm still very frustrated with my lack of leg extension and my unflexible back--I feel like every shape I want to create with my body is physically impossible. I wonder if it's possible to improve in these areas or if I'm genetically stuck.

There's a part of me that wants to know the answer to that just so that if I found out that I were stuck, I could not try as hard or get my hopes up as much.

Wednesday I went to modern. Thursday through Saturday, I did nothing but plan for and enjoy Halloween festivities. We had a little dinner party/bonfire for a few of my dancer buddies and their significant others. I made a fancy pressed (Martha Stewart) sandwich and some tomato bisque, both of which came out really well. I drank wine and ate candy all weekend and I'm about to polish off some M and Ms. Ulgh--I feel ill. This is the end of it, because we actually had large groups of trick or treaters in the new neighborhood and we're out of candy. It's time to go back to a chocolate-less house. There are six Ms remaining.

Sunday I went for a run. I felt so good afterward. I'm still squeezing one in about once a week, but I'd like to increase the frequency. We'll see. At this time, I can happily report that I am still able to run two miles.

School is going well enough except for the fact that I don't have enough outfits that don't require ironing. It's that time of year when I realize I don't have very much time until finals and I have to tighten and edit my lesson plans to make sure I have enough time to cover everything in time for exams. I need at least three weeks to teach Things Fall Apart. I also need to finish punctuation with honors and phrases with regular. And I have essays on The Chosen to grade. It'll all work out, I know that. I've pretty much planned it all out, but I've still been feeling very scattered--the feeling when you know you're forgetting something but you don't know what, but you know it's going to bite you in the ass soon. I can't shake that feeling, for some reason. I don't feel on top of my game.

I've got big plans to go to ballet class number two of the season tonight. My calves are ready for another beating. Instead of fretting uselessly about falling behind in my dance abilities, I'm going to try to adopt the attitude that one of my friends has: she just tries to go to as many dance classes as possible, and going often has become a routine for her. I'm so impressed with people who just quietly work hard and go about their business without being half-committed and broadcasting their worries the way I do. Leif is like that. I guess that's something I can work toward, particularly in my dance company.

Therefore, I will go to ballet tonight to log another day of dance. I have to vote and shave my legs first, though. This weather makes me want to read an entertaining novel and drink tea.