Bloated: A Weekend Food Journal

The difference between the weeks that I feel really good and the weeks that I feel like a dumpy teenager: going out to eat versus cooking at home. Not to toot my own horn too loudly, but I've gotten pretty proficient here lately at cooking healthy, fulfilling, well-portioned meals (I switched to using one of our short white bowls instead of one of our massive black plates for dinner).

I'm not about to complain, but I had an indulgent birthday weekend. I think the train started gathering steam Thursday night when I returned from a half-ass dance rehearsal (I had eaten a peanut noodle dish beforehand) and chowed down on gnocchi and wine. It wasn't an unhealthy dish, but it was one of those nights where I kicking back with Leif and I just didn't want to stop eating or drinking. For months now I've felt most conscious of my food choices and more able to stop eating--to let the meal go and let it be over. I've been slowly changing my portion habits for a very long time. But lately I've felt myself slipping back toward unconscious eating (at dinnertime, mostly). I guess my eating routine (portion habits in particular) was shaken up by that vacation over Mardi Gras. Occasions for celebratory food and drink keep popping up.

Friday, we went out to eat with Micaela and Dave, and I started out okay. I'd bought a brownie off a student earlier that day (yes, he was actually selling them to raise money for something). For dinner, I had some antipasto, a shrimp remoulade salad, a top shelf margarita, and an amber beer. Then we went to a fundraiser event for a radio station afterward and I had a free Budweiser. Because of the brownie I'd had earlier in the day, I gave in to buying some vegan cookies they were selling. (I don't normally buy sweets, but once I taste them, I want them again later the same day.) This sounds harmless enough, but the part that I find unhealthy is that I was extremely full from dinner. I didn't even really want another beer, and my body sure didn't, but it was there, so I had it.

We went to my cousin's wedding Saturday morning, and of course we ate wedding food (White Oak plantation: a bunch of delicious brown fried shit with white cream sauce, cupcakes, and candy). It was a dry wedding, though, so I didn't drink any calories.

But boy did I make up for it that night at a craft-brew pub crawl with mah buddies. I must have had around five beers by the end of the night, and I ate shrimp with fried green tomatoes at Chelsea's, a couple of chips with queso at Zippy's, and a chargrilled oyster or two at Parrain's. Another night of being disgustingly full. My stomach was wrecked the next day from all the beer.

Sunday night I cooked salmon with rice, leeks, and salad, so that was good. And I think I only had half a glass of white wine with it.

Monday was my bee day, so we went out to eat with Ben and Ang. We rode bikes to Pinetta's. I had a beer and a homemade white roll with a bunch of butter and part of Ben's polenta appetizer. Then I had a salad. They have the best eggplant Parmesan I've ever eaten, so of course I ordered that with a glass of pinot. The portion was huge and I ate way past the point of fullness because it tasted so good.

Then OMC was having a fundraiser at Byronz the next night, so of course I had to go eat there. I was planning on getting a salad, but everyone else was getting burgers and that sounded really good, so I got one. With sweet potato fries. And I ate the entire thing. And all the fries (granted, they started serving fewer fries). I don't know if it was because I rarely eat beef these days, but I felt truly ill. When I woke up the next morning, I was still so full that I drank coffee and just stared at my toast. (I never skip breakfast--the last time I skipped was before my surgery in 2004, probably.) I went to the bathroom like three times before I even left for school. I ate my yogurt during club meetings and my stomach felt off all day long.

Then on Thursday (my last day of school before Spring Break), Leif and I went to a Green Drinks presentation about recycling followed by a documentary at the Manship (called Bag It, which was actually really good). I had a rum and coke followed by an Abita Strawberry. (The rum and coke was nasty! They were out of Myer's, so she put spiced rum, and then I saw her put a splash of Rose's Lime corn syrup! What is the point of that shit?!) After the film, we were discussing whether to go upstairs and eat sushi or go home and cook something. We decided to have sushi mostly because it sounded good and we wanted to go on the roof, but in retrospect we should have gone home because we were tired and it would have saved a lot of money. So I went out to eat yet again. I did okay with ordering, though. I'd already had two drinks earlier so I just had water, about one and a half rolls, and half a seaweed salad. I wanted dessert, but I didn't order it. It's probably because I'd had a coke earlier and it made me want more sweets.

Last night Stosh came over to visit, so we made Swiss chard pizza with a little bacon and ricotta cheese (with the chard out of Leif's garden). Leif makes a really good cornmeal crust, too. So I had a beer and then a glass of wine with pizza. But I had too much pizza. Two pieces would have been the right portion for me. I had run that morning and we had gone to the zoo all afternoon and I was starving. I think I had four pieces. Sheesh, I hope it wasn't five. I didn't feel sick or anything afterward, but I always feel like I can eat pizza forever.

I ran my two mile shuffle on Tuesday and Friday this week. I feel great about that, at least. I felt strong yesterday.

I don't own a scale, but I'm going to Laffy today and I'm going to get on the one at my parents' to see what the damage is. I have a few ideas on how to counteract these recent dinner binges:

• add some yoga practice or ballet on the days I don't run
• add a third running session to the week (although it's starting to get uncomfortably hot outside)
  
• go two weeks without going out to eat
• severely limit my alcohol intake on weeknights (or go without) and have fewer on weekends
• start to shift my mindset back to "eating little" instead of "eating big" by eating just enough to feel nourished, satisfied, and not bloated and gassy.

I'll see how it goes. I can say, with confidence, that I actually do not want to keep eating giant dinners. If I can stay conscious of that, even in the face of sensory pleasure, I should be able to get back to food habits I feel good about.