We had our first performance of the show last night. It's a strange one because the concept is that we have thirty-two "encounters" with pedestrians on stage. Last night was the first time we performed with all of the extras. One of the dances, for instance, involves me dancing and watching a woman making pottery. Live. While another woman stands on a bench singing an opera song and other dancers do a few movement phrases. We didn't practice and the potter's wheel didn't really get going until the opera singer was done, so the lights stayed on and I kept dancing around the wheel until she finished her vase (it took about a minute or maybe thirty seconds) until the blackout. It was a really weird dance experience and I hope it didn't look terribly awkward. I guess it was fun in a spontaneous kind of way.
The other dances went pretty well. I had eaten a ginseng pill and some veggies and ricotta over quinoa before warm-up, so I was feeling pretty good even though I had worked all day (and Fridays are hard because my only planning period is from 7:10 to 8:10 am). I squeezed in a nap which was supposed to be an hour, but I got up after twenty or thirty minutes because I was feeling jumpy about the show. It's been a hard week. I've been teaching until 2:25, getting home around 3:00, and going to the theater from 6:00-10:00 every night. Thursday night was more like 5:30 to 11:00. It always makes me ask myself why I'm trying to be in a company and teach full time. I don't feel that way today, though. Today I feel like I wouldn't have it any other way, except for the fact that I will have to catch up on grading research papers and lesson planning. For instance, I just decided to teach Julius Caesar to the regular class, and I've never really read it before.
At the end of the show, the owner of Chelsea's and two other dudes roll out a barbeque pit on stage and serve us food. I took a shot of Patron on stage and ate a white roll after bow. It was without a doubt the weirdest show I've ever done, and the most fun. Also, I asked one of the dancers if I had improved on the duet that she critiqued, and she said that I looked great and that I was very released. Maybe she was just being nice because I put her on the spot and it's about that time when we all say "great show, everybody's perfect" just because there are no rehearsals left. But I'll take the compliment in case she really meant it. I hope it's true.
I'm still fighting feelings of inadequacy--of looking at other dancers and wishing my body could do what theirs do and wondering if I still look like I'm hunched over and looking down when I perform (something I've noticed on videos of myself and something G has told me that I need to work on). I'm still noticing when other dancers get complimented after the show and I don't. I'm still watching solos side stage in awe and still yearning to be able to bust out and perform as well as they do. I wonder if I look that light and free when I dance.
But also, I had a lot of fun last night despite my insecurities. Besides the tequila shot, my favorite moment was the retro runway "piece" in which we wear clothing from a local vintage store and take turns being ridiculous on the runway to "You Better Work" by RuPaul. I think it's the first time I've done anything comedic or ham-like on stage, and I had a blast. I did a fast pirouette and my rib-cage popping dance that Reid has dubbed "the song ruin-er." I was wishing Sarah and Jeanne were in the audience.
Another odd thing that happened last night is that one of the company members got engaged. She's in a little piece in which she holds flowers and "makes out" with her boyfriend on a bench. We were in the elevator going up to Tsunami after the show, and when we got to the rooftop terrace, he had just proposed. She looked like she'd been crying. People were taking pictures and we all took turns checking out her ring and hugging her. She's a really cool girl, and we all like her boyfriend, too. Even though I'm not really a fan of rings and fairy tale imagery, I thought it was a nice cap on the evening. There's a lot of love in our company.
I was talking to one of the new dancers on the rooftop. She's a tall, radiant black woman with a theater background that just moved here from D.C. with her husband and toddler. We sat on a rail while she drank a glass of white tequila and smoked a cigarette and discussed how we felt about being in the company. She said that even though it is really disorganized and frustrating sometimes, she's never been in a company that accommodated her schedule so openly and welcomed the fact that she was a mother. I agreed that it was a good fit for my schedule as well, and that we usually get to do the loose style of modern dance that I like the most.
Now that I think about it, show weekends are the times that I really like living in Baton Rouge. When I'm shooting the shit side stage, or sharing a mirror in the dressing room, or drinking on the roof, or walking to or from my car downtown, or warming up before the house opens, or running up to Leif in the lobby, I feel like it's not so bad living here. I feel lucky to be a part of a team that makes art together, even if we do perform for a town that won't buy our tickets because they would rather go to a movie or a football game. Even if we might look unrehearsed or amateurish in some moments. Even though most of my students haven't heard of us and we're the only modern dance company in BR. It's still dance, and I'm doing it again tonight and tomorrow. For that, I am grateful.
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